Say What You Need To Say...

Life is not fair at all. I found out last night that a well liked teacher I had in high school passed away Tuesday night and another teacher I had in middle school is very ill with ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease). Grim news and not the way I pictured my week to turn out. I logged onto face book last night and saw an invite to a group honoring our teacher who passed so I left my condolences to his family and his wife who also taught at the school.

It was completely unexpected considering he was healthy, in shape; early 50’s he was going in for minor back surgery things went wrong and he did not make it out. It just really makes you realize that you do need to live every day to the fullest since you never know when your time is up.
As I scrolled through the comments left by others who had him as a teacher, I found myself tearing up at all the wonderful things everyone had to say. His wife left a lovely response to everyone for all of their sentiment and feelings toward him. She will be letting us know when the wake is so anyone who wants to can attend and pay their respects.

After reading through comments of former students and current students saying things like “you were the best teacher and my inspiration”, “you changed my life and made me realize my potential” it made me wonder why do people wait until it’s too late to say how they feel? I think we need to embrace “say what you need to say” and let everyone know how you feel, I am sure people did not randomly come up to him and tell him what an inspiration they thought he was and so on.

This made me want to call/write every person I care about and consider a hero, inspiration or what have you and tell him or her. It would make their day and I am sure it is so nice to see all these people have such wonderful things to say about you. For the rest of tonight I will be writing emails and telling everyone how I feel, and I want to track down those teachers I had in school who helped me become who I am today and let them know it. May he rest in peace and god bless the family.

I Say We Shoot The Groundhog

Meh, I hate this cold weather and in light of Groundhogs Day, he apparently did not see his shadow, which means an additional six weeks of winter. I say we shoot this little shit I cannot take the cold any longer it is really starting to get to me. It seems everyone I have spoken with in the past few weeks feels the same way; the whole world is in a shade of gray. February happens to be my least favorite month well March too they just drag on. Snow is in the forecast for New York tonight of course so I will be staying in and snuggling up with a movie.

In other news, I have a stressful few days ahead of me. My grandfather is being admitted to the hospital on Thursday and having a serious surgery done on Friday morning. He is very nervous about it as he is 77 years old and there are many risks involved. I will be with my family at the hospital and I hope he has a quick recovery.

Going to finish making my dinner and stick a movie in the DVD player.

In The Arms Of The Angel...

This little girl’s story moved me to tears. A little background information for those who might not be aware of her story, she is six years old and last January was told she has a rare and especially fatal form of leukemia. The NY Daily News published an article last January asking people to come to the hospital and be tested to see if they were a match for a bone marrow transplant. Thousands of people showed up to be tested and they eventually found a match for her. The doctors gave her the bone marrow transplant and she found out a few months ago that the cancer had come back. Sadly, she passed away on Wednesday almost a year after being diagnosed.

I was particularly touched by this story for a few reasons number one being the fact that she was adopted. It seems today that there is so much child abuse going on and kids getting placed into these horrible homes but she was so lucky to have gone to this wonderful family who did all they could to help her. Secondly, I saw an interview with her on the news a few months back and this was before she was able to meet President Obama she was so full of hope and so positive and almost care free. I know that if I was in that situation I would have been scared shitless and probably be down on my luck and not hopeful at all.

When her mother was told that the cancer had come back after the bone marrow transplant which they thought would have cured her, the mother started crying and this six year old child, said “ don’t cry mama, think of something beautiful”. What child would say that and be so optimistic? I feel if it were me in that situation I would be scared and maybe even give up fighting but that did not stop her. She was positive throughout this whole ordeal and she is such an inspiration to so many people, children and adults alike.

It kills me when I see children dying and suffering from an illness someone that small and that full of life still should not have to suffer they should be able to enjoy being a child, playing outside, not stuck in a hospital and tired and sick from chemo. It’s just not fair, there are so many sick and twisted people in this world who live on and have no idea what it means to be grateful for anything, so many bad people in this world, and this poor little girl had to suffer.

It makes me appreciate my health and my life, just realize you cannot take anything for granted, and never hold a grudge against anyone since you never know when someone will not be here anymore. RIP Jasmina.

Do people really come into your life for a reason?

I personally have always thought this statement to be true. Whether you knew the person for a few days, few months or few years it was destiny for your paths to cross. I hate change wait no I take that back I despise change especially when people change.

When I started to work at the bank three years ago, I hit it off with one of my co-workers immediately we just clicked. We hung out all the time on weekends, after work and she made work bearable I looked forward to going because I enjoyed her company. She attended concerts with me went to weddings with me when my date bailed we were inseparable.

About eight months into working at the bank my co-worker was let go I of course was devastated work just wouldn’t be the same but I knew we would remain good friends. We of course continued to hang out for the next two months and then one day when I called her she did not call me back I didn’t think much of it. A week went by and still nothing, I tried calling again her phone was not in service. I never saw or heard from her again after that.

I never stopped looking for her I tried myspace, face book and anything you can imagine with no luck. This past Saturday I went on my face book account and saw a friend request with a note saying, “I finally found you”. I cannot explain my excitement so we emailed and then talked on the phone and she lives in Florida now so I can maybe visit her on a Florida trip. She had been looking for me for a while as I was looking for her. I am so glad we are back in contact there was not a day that went by that I wouldn’t think of her.

I believe whole-heartedly now that people do come into your life for a reason and she is back in mine and I couldn’t be happier. Not to mention it’s a good feeling to know she was still thinking of me after all it had been two years.

Disappointed

Whew what a weekend! I am still recuperating, it did not go as planned but ended up having a good time regardless. Phil came up on Friday night and stayed over we had a movie night and attempted to get to sleep early. Saturday morning we got an early start and headed down to the city for the remainder of the weekend.

We were in Jersey in the early afternoon dropped our stuff off and headed for the path train to meet Phil’s mom for lunch. We ate at this wonderful little restaurant in Columbus circle and had a few drinks and some excellent food. After lunch, Phil and I headed over to Starbucks on Christopher for some coffee and relaxing, headed back over to Jersey to start getting ready for our night out at Club 57.

We left Jersey at around 10:20 and headed over to the club, we were on the VIP list since Phil is good friends with Tony (the DJ who was spinning that night). I have never seen so many people waiting in a line to get into a club before I immediately thought it was going to be a good night. We bypassed the line since we were on the list and were escorted inside immediately, got our bracelets, put our stuff down, and waited for everyone else to get in. At around twelve the place was so packed you could not move I could not even get to the bathroom without being elbowed by someone.

I still was hopeful and in good spirits since Lady Gaga was supposed to be arriving around two and putting on a “surprise” performance. At two they pushed everyone back in the VIP section and put up a rope to keep us from getting onto the stage, the excitement was unbelievable. Phil and I were right in the front against the rope we were thrilled, had the camera out, and ready to get pictures. Well, it was a black drag queen impersonating Lady Gaga and not Lady Gaga herself. Everyone was disappointed and annoyed to say the least since the club falsely advertised and said she was coming when they knew damn well she was not.

By this time, we were so annoyed and tired of being elbowed and smacked in the face because there were way too many people in the club to even move let alone dance, so we decided to leave at 3am. We headed back to Jersey and were settled in for the night and I ended up going home in the early afternoon.

Overall, it was not the weekend we had hoped for, but managed to make the best of it. We will never be going back to club 57 since it is horrible inside and poorly managed, definitely an experience but I am so glad to be home and relaxing finally.

Cigarettes Are Making Me Broke

I got some uplifting news yesterday, since the Lady Gaga concert was canceled and I was somewhat devastated I figured I would not have a chance to see her now until her next tour. One of Phil’s friends is a DJ and he is spinning at a local club in the city this weekend. Rumor on the street is there is a chance, a good chance actually that Lady Gaga will be making an appearance. I planned to attend to watch him spin anyway so this will work out wonderfully if it is true.

On another note, things have been tight this month so far with money I feel like I am struggling so much just to make ends meet. I really need to quit smoking because at averaging a pack to a pack and a half a day is killing me. They are running at about $9.50 a pack now. Smoking is probably the worst thing I could have ever picked up and I only wish I listened to people when they warned me not to smoke.

I have tried unsuccessfully on two different occasions to quit smoking one was with the patch it lasted about a day and I could not take it anymore. The second attempt came about a year later and I tried to quit cold turkey and using the patch neither method worked. The new pill Chantax I believe it’s called is supposed to work great I know a few people who have used it and were successful. However, I have a lack of health insurance right now and I could only imagine how much money this would cost me so I will continue to wait and hope I can get the strength to quit.

Karma Is Watching...

I was so excited for my birthday gift, which was going to see Lady Gaga. Not only is that amazing in itself but also our seats were in the second row and I have been looking forward to this for months. Phil and I find out on Friday that the show was canceled since Gaga was suffering from exhaustion and dehydration. The venue contacted us telling us the show has been canceled and the steps we need to take in order to get a refund for out tickets.

Phil and I were both devastated and it is not being rescheduled so we are shit out of lock on this. We decided to go ahead and go through with our plans for the rest of the weekend and try to enjoy ourselves despite our bad news.

I am not going to lie I was so upset and I kept thinking, “My life sucks I have the worst luck ever, and things couldn’t be worse”. Well Friday night when Phil and I sat down to watch TV, we saw the live coverage from the chaos that is going on in Haiti. It made me feel like such a selfish bitch for complaining all day that I was unable to see Lady Gaga in concert.

It made me realize that I’m sitting here complaining and thinking my life sucks when these people in Haiti had everything taken from them. I have shelter, I have food, I know my family is alive; I am not stuck under thousands of pounds of cement from destroyed buildings. I am not lying on the street trying to sleep because there is nowhere to sleep inside and I am not injured and praying that maybe someone will come and rescue me.

Everything is put into perspective for me in that moment and I realized my “problems” were not problems at all. Listening to reporter’s interview people from Haiti made me realize how good I have it and made it made everything I thought was important not seem so important afterward.

So yesterday I went to the bank checked my account balance and donated 50.00 to the Red Cross to assist the people there is anyway that I can. I am struggling with this economy like everyone else and I realized I don’t have a lot of money or material things but I have more than these people have therefore and I am going to try and help in anyway I can. I urge people to donate anything you can afford, not matter the amount every little bit helps and you will have the satisfaction of knowing you did something to help someone else in a time of need. So please reflect your lives and realize how fortunate you are no matter how “low” we sometimes feel I truly believe that someone else always has it worse.

Remember karma is watching and give back to other people because I am sure you all would hope someone was going to help you in your time of need.